I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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