What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
