seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
