I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
