Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
