thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
