you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
