my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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