dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can I color on your dick again?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
