the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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