he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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