I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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