I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
