He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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