fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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