Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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