I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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