I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
