ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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