i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
