im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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