walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
