somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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