Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
