4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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