I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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