Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
