either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
