I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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