I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
