theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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