Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
