you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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