Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
