So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
