I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
