STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
