i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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