So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my shit smells like andre
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
