i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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