i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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