How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
