The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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