Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
