; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
