I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
