Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
