I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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