is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
