woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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